Compromise

If you're going to make it
through this life,
you'll have to learn
to compromise
without regret.

(Starting to) Think Nothing

The world disguises itself in her thoughts. What was once intrusive and irrelevant and nothing is now her everything. She felt so guilty about missing her cousin's funeral, but she was so angry at him for ending his life even after she thought she convinced him otherwise.

Looks of disapproval haunted her as she walked down the street to work.

"It's so selfish," said a man wearing a beanie so small it was like a yarmulke. She could hear her father in the bold intonation of his voice. She kept walking, trying to pay no mind.

"I'm about to die out here if I don't get some change soon," a woman with dry, frizzy hair, thinning and gray, said, her hand shaking a cup of pennies as if more shakes would magically transform the change into quarters and half dollars. "I'm about to die, and it'll surely be your fault," she proclaimed, her eyes meeting our protagonist.

No, no, it wouldn't be her fault--it wasn't her fault.

It didn't get any better at work. The instant she thought she had forgotten something, her co-worker told her she had forgotten to complete the most minor of tasks.

"I knew that, but I wish I didn't," she told herself with silent certainty, a grave disposition hiding her intrusive worries.

"I bet you already thought of that, though," her co-worker said, arms crossed, a smirk revealed as if he knew everything she thought and he knew that she knew this fact. It disturbed her more than her cousin's suicide, but she tried to put it out of her mind.

Her work phone rang. The voice on the other end for a brief moment sounded like her voice. "Why are you thinking so hard about what I told you earlier today?"

She had no idea what this person was referring to; in fact, she hadn't the faintest idea who this person was. A harsher tone. "You know, about how dreamers often get confused as to what is real and what is a dream."

She thought it was time to wake up; she just needed someone to tell her to do just that. But what did this have to do with her workplace?

"You've got to quit dreaming on the job. It's interfering with the company's success."

She didn't consider herself a daydreamer. She didn't even consider herself a dreamer. At least not much of one anyway. Many failed relationships and all sorts of disappointments left her alone with her thoughts--nothing more. But now it seems her thoughts are being broadcast for all the world. She tries to think nothing. Thinking nothing is the only way to stop the world from invading the private moments she has to herself, those times when it is just her and her thoughts, when nothing is sacred and yet nothing is typical. Those are the moments she cherishes because they are relaxing to her. She values her thoughts. She usually can't breathe without her thoughts. And now she must learn to control her breaths, to regulate her thoughts, to think nothing because her thoughts are somehow suffocating her these days.

Playing Dead

I've found what I'm looking for,
but what I'm looking for hasn't found me.
I guess I'll play dead
until there is something to live for.

The Good Life

You quit on the status quo

in pursuit of the good life,

but you did not realize

that you already had the good life,

and you had just given up on it.

Borderline

He sometimes wears different faces to disguise his peculiarity. Often he is a chameleon just to make others feel comfortable. He is so entirely content with himself that he doesn't need anyone. And that makes people feel uncomfortable, so he either stays alone, keeping his eccentricities to himself, or he puts on different faces, that is if he even has the energy to do much of anything. He cannot decide whether he wants to pretend he is happy, so he'll just close his eyes and drift away.

Unwilling

I have the will
to do anything.
But I will not
because I'm sick
of this sad world.

Look What You've Done

To Those Who Came Before:

Your world has crushed our hopes. We had dreams of making a difference, making a better world, but it seems you have made it such that our dreams cannot survive. When we leave this world, our imprint barely noticeable, we will greet the subsequent nothingness with gratitude because it is relief from this jaded and hopeless world. We hope you stay in this world until it disappears. That is your punishment for snuffing out our once bright lights.

In forced cynicism,
Us

Alone, He Pines

There are so many people, some familiar, and he can't find just one with whom to share the more special moments. It's not that people don't like his company. He is not a villain. He is not annoying. He is actually quite charming. But it seems everybody has someone except him. He feels cursed to be so alone. He has grown accustomed to this being alone, though, and he is so comfortable with it that he can't imagine his world expanded any further than his own well-being. Despite this, a part of him deep in the back of his mind will still be hoping for a plus one in this grand celebration we call life.

Unwanted Gift

I've never felt this alone.
Then again, up until now,
my days have been haunted
by memories of merriment.
I am forgetting unforced smiles.
Life to me this day
is an opened gift
once wrapped in excited anticipation
now, in bitter disappointment,
unwanted.
There will be
an exchange
or refund.

The Chapter in My Autobiography About Fulfillment

It's naive to think you are rewarded for hard work. The harder you work, the more weary you become. There is no reward for the faint glimmer disappearing into your vacant eyes as you realize your life is what you make it, and you've made nothing of note. Your hands are calloused, but you haven't built anything. Your mind is exhausted, but you haven't thought about anything of value in ages. Your eyes are crossed such that you cannot see the point to any of this. Your body is tired. Your spirit is dying an eternal death of suffocating frowns. All of this could change--your hands might soften, your mind be rejuvenated, your eyes focused, your body awake, your spirit revived--should you ever for once decide to do what's best for you instead of what others claim is best for you. Or you could simply take on another fearful day in which you only look forward to the casket of a cradle that grants you the pleasant escape of repose every night. The choice is yours.

Rogue Agent

If your job

is to kill

for a living,

it's difficult

not to snap.

When I Die

When I die, I want to be buried out of a casket, into the soil, so that I can feed into the ecological energy of this world and hopefully make it a better place. I don't know what makes me think I can make the world a better place in death when I can't even do so in life. I suppose I'm drinking a full glass until it is half empty. When I die, the world will only know I'm dead because a most curious plant will sprout, a plant that cures madness. The world will say, "He was crazy in life so that the world will not be crazy upon his death."

Confidence Writing to Mediocrity

I know the grass is always greener on the other side because I often mow that lawn.

When people say something can't be done, I know what to do next.

I learn from my mistakes, but I learn even more from my successes.

The meaning of life presents itself in my every act of living.

I pray to God in front of a mirror in case it ends up being all up to me.

I study the greats so I know I'm not alone.

It's been my pleasure; it's been your privilege.

How to Be Perfect in an Imperfect World

Make no mistake:
We all make mistakes.

Distractions

Life is the veil
that covers our eyes
when the truth
is too much to behold.

Wishful Thinking

She taught me
how to love,
but I keep failing
her tests.

He showed me
how to live,
but all I see
is a funeral procession.

They provided for me,
but now
I don't know how
to provide for myself.

This is no hero's story.
This isn't a tale of a man
overcoming hardships
to become greater
than himself.
No, this is mediocrity
met with complacency,
resigned and misplaced.
This is every day
after realizing
you are not as special
as your parents said you were.
Don't hold it against them:
They weren't lying;
they were hoping.

So Corporate

This is so corporate
that my soul sells itself
instead of being crushed
by another dying day.

The Lonely Girl

"Leave me alone," he said, his eyes shifting, tears dripping below his eyelids.

"But I can't," she said. "It's just not in my nature."

"Really? Then why did you leave me alone all those years ago? That seemed more like something that was in your nature."

She sighed. What was in her nature? She wasn't there for him back then; why would she be there for him now? Her selfish past hasn't spontaneously given way to a selfless present simply because she felt alone now. "I didn't leave you alone. I just gave you some time and space."

"Give me some time and space now. I've done fine without you all this time. Leave me alone."

She thought he needed her now more than ever, but really she needed him. He knew this and kept her at a distance. She would know what it feels like to be alone when all the world weighs heavy on your heart. She would know what a tragedy this life can be. And no matter how many people would be a part of her life, from now on she would always feel alone.

In Sight

God sees life
through our eyes.
The only way
to get into Heaven
is to blind ourselves
so God never realizes
how unworthy we are.

What Mistakes We Make

We're plugged in and tuned out, counting the faceless masses as our friends, watching people attempting to live instead of us living. We have no hope because we think we don't need hope. We sleep often but have forgotten how to dream. This might be a disaster or it might be human experience. We are lost causes caused to be lost. We used to plan for the future, revere the past, and live in the moment; now we just watch clocks like television. Time is wasted on us. And we waste time. Yet nobody seems to care or even notice. How soon will we realize
the end isn't near;
the end is here.

I Can't Not Look (A Man More Like a Child)

Sometimes I catch myself casting a blank stare at beautiful women, their magnetism the only grace in a seemingly graceless world. I pretend I am indifferent to them when really I couldn't stand a world without them. They must never know this, though, because I am a man of solitude. Either that, or I'm shy and too proud to admit my shortcomings when it comes to expressing interest.

Reclaiming Dreams

He is afraid of following his dreams so he sleepwalks through life, secure but unfulfilled. Sometimes he gets so lost in the daze of routine, the facilitator for stability, that he loses sight of his dreams. When that happens, he completely shuts down, incapable of anything at all, dreams and routines included. It is then that he does nothing; it is then that he figures out how to do something that actually matters, both to him and the world around him. He must reclaim all those dreams.

Human Error

Did we
make You
proud?

Or did we
disappoint
and
make a mess
of this Garden?

Don't answer me;
I'd rather keep praying.

Ho-Hum

I can never quite find the proper balance. Sometimes my mind is bright enough to burn out while my body loses itself in lethargy; sometimes my heart is engaged while my mind sleeps; sometimes my body is at its peak while my heart weeps. All the while, my spirit wants to give up because the mind, heart, and body cannot align. If only I had more hours in a day, I would give equal attention to every facet of this ho-hum life, just enough to make it extraordinary.

Why She Sighs

He has everything figured out

except why his wife sighs.

Instead of taking the time

to figure out why she sighs,

he filed for divorce.