He goes from wanting to end it all, this average existence, to loving every little thing about life, from the weakness in his lover's voice to the strength in her hugs. This is bitter and sweet as he feels fulfilled or empty at any given time, with each feeling churning in the pit of his stomach, acidic and warm as his body shakes with chills. Every blessing makes every curse worse; every curse makes every blessing best. His life is one of stark contrasts. He has got heaven and hell battling for supremacy in his mind; all the while, his body feels light with ecstasy or heavy with brimstone depending on the moment. He is working to let the hellfire light his heart, his brain more gray matter than black and white neural pathways, his spirit as sinister as it is sacred and good and true. The balance will come, if only for a solitary and glorious sublime moment. But today he is all hellfire, knowing that tomorrow he will be good enough as to forgive himself.
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